Everyone Leave Gweneth Paltrow Alone Forever
I was gobsmacked by Jeffrey Goldberg’s post about the moron in Jersey who named his son Adolph Hitler. Then he complained that he couldn’t get a cake with his kid’s name on it. I think everyone has to step back from making fun of bad celebrity kid names and bow before the titanic ass-hattery of Heath Campbell of Hunterdon County, N.J.
So throw out all of your Apple Paltrow jokes (I always liked the name anyway) and do what I am doing:
Praying that the kid grows up and goes to Brandeis.
Oh, and by the way, the other two kids are named JoyceLynn Aryan Nation Campbell and Honszlynn Hinler Jeannie Campbell.
There isn’t enough therapy in North America that will prevent these kids from having severe scars.
December 17, 2008
• Posted in: Culture
5 Responses to “Everyone Leave Gweneth Paltrow Alone Forever”
I like the name Apple, too.
But I have no comment on this guy. (He did say his kid could “choose” to hang out with black people, though. That’s … magnanimous.)
If they have a fourth kid, I see something like Billy Bob Holocaust Denier Campbell.
I’m sure the kid will change his name if he survives his childhood. I want cake-decorators at Walmart to have to put that kid’s name on a cake so that I have a leg to stand on arguing that pharmacists have to fill birth-control prescriptions and provide morning after pills to rape victims.
@sab
Hah!
Am I horrible for thinking, when I read this earlier, that I don’t feel so bad for accidentally naming my daughter Brittany Spears?
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